RIP house plant

Dearest friends, we gather today in this hour of unspeakable botanical tragedy to mourn the passing of our verdant companion, whose departure from this mortal coil came with neither warning nor explanation, as sudden and mysterious as the consumption that claimed so many heroines of old. One morn did dawn, as morns are wont to do, yet this particular sunrise brought with it a spectacle most ghastly—our beloved chlorophyllous friend, once standing proud and perpendicular to the earthly plane, now lay prostrate and desiccated, transformed from emerald glory to a shade of brown most melancholy, as though some spectral hand had drained the very essence of vitality whilst we slumbered. Oh, what sublime qualities did this noble plant possess! Like a stoic sentinel, it asked for naught—neither conversation nor excessive fussing—content to photosynthesize in dignified silence whilst providing us the oxygen necessary for continued existence. Its leaves, once supple as a maiden's cheek, reached toward the heavens with an optimism that would make even the most cheerful sparrow seem positively funereal by comparison. It endured our forgetfulness with grace, our sporadic watering schedules with patience, and our complete ignorance of proper drainage with saintly forbearance. Though we may never solve the riddle of its demise—was it thirst? Drowning? An ennui too profound for this cruel world?—we take solace in knowing that it has shuffled off this mortal pot to that great conservatory in the sky, where eternal sunshine batheth all foliage and the watering cans floweth eternally. Rest now, sweet botanical soul, beneath the soil from whence thou camest.